A few weeks ago I read
this article on our inability to foresee our personalities and tastes changing.
This phenomenon has been coined the “end of history illusion,” in which people
tend to “underestimate how much they will change in the future.” It struck a
chord.
Even a few years ago I
couldn’t possibly conceive my current predilection for nights at home watching
Downton Abbey over nights out taking tequila shots and dancing. Sure, this is a
common progression for people of a certain age. But what about nitty gritty
personality traits? I took the Myers & Briggs personality test about five
years ago. (I’ve persisted as a psychology junkie through the years.) I’m
pretty sure I was “diagnosed” as ENFP
(Extraversion/Intuition/Feeling/Perceiving) (vs.
Introversion/Sensing/Thinking/Judging). A few weeks ago I took the same test and
scored INFP (Introversion/Intuition/Feeling/Perceiving). Have I really turned
from extrovert to introvert in a matter of a few years? I do crave more down
time these days; I find I need to recharge and not “be on” for periods of time.
Another change of mind:
About eight years ago I found my “signature scent” at a duty-free shop in the
international terminal at JFK airport. I was with my stepsister, about to
embark on our semester abroad in Barcelona. I’d been looking for a new perfume
and I found it, the one: Cinema
by YSL. For years I hesitated to tell admirers its’ name, God forbid
they go out and purchase the perfume for themselves, essentially robbing me of my
identity. Anyway, the scent became very “me.” I brought it back to the states
and wore it throughout the rest of college and even after. At one point I
learned it was being discontinued. I panicked. I bought an embarrassing amount
of YSL Cinema, and even a few bottles of its sister scent, a summer fragrance,
just in case. I’m probably still paying the credit card interest on those
goddamn perfume bottles. And guess what? I can’t stand the smell anymore.
It’s not surprising that a
fragrance I coveted eight years ago repulses me now. It is surprising that back
then I couldn’t even begin to fathom that one day I might not want to be wearing
that same perfume. And that’s the point the researchers in the Times article
make. We can’t comprehend how different we’ll be in eight, 15, 20 years from
now.
“Why? Dr. Gilbert and his
collaborators, Jordi Quoidbach of Harvard and Timothy D. Wilson of the
University of Virginia, had a few theories, starting with the well-documented
tendency of people to overestimate their own wonderfulness.”
“Believing that we just
reached the peak of our personal evolution makes us feel good,” Dr. Quoidbach
said. “The ‘I wish that I knew then what I know now’ experience might give us a
sense of satisfaction and meaning, whereas realizing how transient our
preferences and values are might lead us to doubt every decision and generate
anxiety.”
Lately I’ve been feeling
indecisive about many things and an accompanying general sense of anxiety. I’ve
had doubts about little things like the font of the first line on our wedding
invitations. I’ve been contemplating big changes like where exactly we should
be living. (For now I’m leaning towards bi-coastal. Just need to get the fiancé
on board…) And I’ve been especially indecisive about “thing things” like the
China Justin and I attempted to register for. (After painstakingly surveying
the options for about an hour, we couldn’t settle on a design. At least not one
we’d be sure to love 50 years from now.)
Lately I’ve been aware of how very
transient my preferences are. That’s why I’ve been doubting my decisions; it's perhaps why I’ve been anxious. After reading the Times article I’m going to try to be more accepting of my
uncertainty, the bi-product of getting to know myself and the awareness that
comes with understanding that while I’m always me, I’m always evolving.
A
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